Gone Away: A Trigun Songfic
by Souma Kyoulina
Summary: Millie's reactions to the events in episode 23 "Paradise". Set to The Offspring's "Gone Away".


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Trigun. Yasuhiro Nightow does. The lyrics to "Gone Away" belong to The Offspring.  
  
  
  
  
  
Gone Away: A Trigun Songfic  
  
  
  
****************************  
  
Maybe in another life  
  
I could find you there  
  
****************************  
  
"Please eat the sandwiches."  
  
"Will you eat them with me?"  
  
Millie sat down beside the priest and opened the sack of sandwiches. Wolfwood watched her intently the whole time. Every move she made seemed to mesmerize him. He couldn't take his eyes off her. She pulled a sandwich out of the sack and leaned over to hand it to him. He grabbed her arm and, shocked, she dropped the sandwich and gasped.  
  
"Bokushi~san?"  
  
"I'm…I'm sorry Big Girl," he said, dropping her arm. Millie giggled.  
  
"It's okay Bokushi~san."  
  
"Please Big Girl, don't call me that. Call me by my name."  
  
"Okay Nicholas," Millie answered, her gentle smile warming the dark- clad man. He smiled back.  
  
He remembered how she had embraced him a few minutes earlier and felt a blush spread across his cheeks.  
  
"Bok…Nicholas, are you okay? You suddenly got very red. You're not sick are you?"  
  
"Maybe in a certain sense I am."  
  
"Oh no! Are you okay?" She gasped, putting a hand to his forehead. Her skin felt cool against his and he grabbed her hand. Her eyes widened.  
  
"I'm lovesick, something with only one cure," he informed her, having no control over his own words.  
  
"Nicholas?"  
  
Millie's eyes were searching his and Wolfwood could read every thought, every emotion, behind those crystal blue eyes. She wanted him too, almost as much, if not more, than he wanted her. He put his other hand on her cheek, running his thumb along her lower lip.  
  
He leaned down and, removing his thumb, pressed his lips against hers. Millie's eyes widened momentarily then softened and finally, closed. Experimentally, Wolfwood opened his mouth and slid his tongue to her lips. He was surprised when she opened her mouth, inviting him.  
  
The kiss was relatively short, and they drew away breathlessly. They stared at each other for a moment, then he took her by the hand and led her to the bed.  
  
************************************  
  
Pulled away before your time  
  
I can't deal, it's so unfair  
  
************************************  
  
Millie walked into the church and spotted the man immediately. He was leaning against the Cross Punisher, appearing to be asleep. She smiled. If he was so tired, he should have come back. Back to the soft bed and her loving arms.  
  
She began walking towards him, but hesitated when she stepped in something. She picked her foot up and saw a small puddle of blood. She looked along the floor and knitted her brows. There was a trail of blood leading from the door to Nicholas' body. Was he hurt, Millie wondered, instantly worried. She quickened her pace and was soon by his side.  
  
"Nicholas? Are you okay? You're not hurt are you?" she asked, kneeling down beside the priest. There was no answer. Millie looked at his face and saw his eyes closed and a small smile on his face. A smile crossed her own lips.  
  
'He's so beautiful when he's sleeping.'  
  
She put a firm hand on his shoulder, but he didn't move. She shook him a little, but still no response. Concern clouded her eyes and she shook him more vigorously. There was still no response. She let go of his shoulder and gasped as both he and the Cross Punisher crumpled to the floor.  
  
"Nicholas!" She cried as she crawled to his side. He had landed on his back, but hadn't moved otherwise. Millie put her hand on his face but immediately took it away. It was cold, lifeless.  
  
"Nick! Answer me. Nick! Nicholas! If you don't answer me, I'll hate you forever."  
  
Still no answer.  
  
"Nicholas?!" Millie cried. She took him by the shoulders and began shaking him.  
  
"No! No! Answer me please," she chanted repeatedly as she shook.  
  
"Nicholas! Don't leave me!" Millie shrieked as she threw herself on his limp body.  
  
Vash and Meryl, upon hearing the girl's shrieks, ran into the church. Vash had already known about Wolfwood and had told Meryl. He had allowed Millie to find out on her own.  
  
"Millie," Meryl said as she ran, feeling sympathy for her friend. It took no time for them to reach the girl and the corpse.  
  
Vash pulled Millie off the priest's body and stood her up.  
  
"No Vash~san! Let go! Let go of me!" She cried, trying to get out of the gunman's grip. Meryl came up beside them, her eyes glistening with tears.  
  
"Let go of me. We can still help him! There's still time, there has to be!"  
  
"Millie."  
  
"Senpai! Help me!"  
  
Tears fell from Millie's eyes and she could only stare pleadingly at her elder, having worn herself out by fighting against Vash.  
  
"I'm sorry Millie," Meryl said, her own tears beginning to fall.  
  
"No Senpai! Don't say that! It's not over yet!"  
  
"Millie," Vash began.  
  
"It's not!" Millie cried. She looked at him. "Right?"  
  
Vash didn't answer and Millie broke down. Meryl hugged her and Vash sadly put his arms around both girls.  
  
************************************  
  
And it feels  
  
And it feels like  
  
Heaven's so far away  
  
And it feels  
  
Yeah it feels like  
  
The world has grown cold  
  
Now that you've gone away  
  
************************************  
  
That night, Millie got no sleep. The events of the day kept coming back to haunt her.  
  
After she'd been able to somewhat settle down, they decided to bury Wolfwood. Vash and Meryl had done all the work while she'd stood by, leaning on the Cross Punisher. Both Meryl and Vash had thought that they should bury Wolfwood's cross with him, but Millie had been adamant and was allowed to keep it. After the burial, Vash and Meryl had left for the house, leaving Millie to herself and Wolfwood's remains. She'd sat there for hours and cried. She had gotten back to the house at suppertime, but refused to eat, locking herself in Wolfwood's room instead.  
  
A tear found its way from her eye to the pillow. She buried her head in the pillow and cried as hard as she could, as silently as she could.  
  
She had already wailed until her throat was raw and she didn't want to awaken her friends. So, she muffled her cries in the pillow.  
  
She put her hand under the pillow and her fingers ran across something smooth and cold. She sat up and removed the pillow.  
  
Sitting on the bed, was a chain with a small locket attached. She picked it up and opened it. Tears immediately washed down her face. On the left half was an engravement of a cross. On the right half, was a picture of Wolfwood. Millie closed the locket and silent tears shook her body. She wiped her eyes and found an overlooked object beside where she had found the locket. It was a folded piece of paper. Placing the necklace in her lap, she shakily picked it up and unfolded it.  
  
Millie,  
  
If you are reading this, it means that I have not made it. If I had, you would've never found this or the locket. How do you like the locket? I use to carry it in my pocket. It had a picture of you in it, but I changed it this morning before I left.  
  
I'm sorry that I was forced to leave you. But we both knew it would be coming sometime.  
  
Please don't cry for me, Big Girl. Everything will be alright. You still have Tongari and Meryl. And I'll be watching you, wherever I go.  
  
Love Always,  
  
Nicholas D. Wolfwood  
  
Millie's vision blurred and she put a hand over her face. He had told her not to cry for him, but that was like telling her not to hurt over his death. She couldn't stop crying. Not now, knowing that she'd never see him again.  
  
'You should be happy. He's in a better place now,' a little voice in her head told her.  
  
Heaven. Yes, he'd defiantly gone to Heaven. He'd described that place as a beautiful world with no pain, no suffering, and filled with love. And peace.  
  
But when would she ever get to see that beautiful place, see her Nicholas again? Not for a long time, she suspected.  
  
She put the locket around her neck and laid back down, determined to try and sleep.  
  
*************************************************  
  
Leaving flowers on your grave  
  
Show that I still care  
  
But black roses and Hail Marys  
  
Can't bring back, what's taken from me  
  
*************************************************  
  
Millie sat with her knees under her chin and had her arms wrapped around them.  
  
She gazed placidly at the wooden cross with a wreath of roses drapped over it. It had taken her hours to weave them together and even longer to actually find the roses.  
  
A small smile crossed face and she gazed at her handiwork.  
  
It had been exactly a year since Nicholas had died. This was the first time she'd been to his grave since they'd buried him. She'd been far too busy.  
  
They had waited for Vash's return and when he had finally come back, with his brother thrown over his shoulder, they thought that relaxation had come at last. But they had been called back to the main office, as the bounty was off of Vash and he was named a hero.  
  
That night, the girls had left to catch back up with Vash and Knives. After months of traveling, they finally did so and Meryl was happy. Millie, seeing how happy her elder was, went on her own, finding herself at Wolfwood's grave.  
  
She sighed. It had taken a few days to get there and would take the same amount to get back. When she decided to go back. As far as she was concerned, she could stay there forever.  
  
She sighed and stood up. Meryl and Vash would be worried. She approached the grave and fingered the rose wreath. A single tear ran down her cheek and she smiled.  
  
"I still love you, Nicholas."  
  
********************************  
  
I reach to the sky  
  
And call out your name  
  
And if I could trade  
  
I would  
  
********************************  
  
Looking at the stars use to calm her. Now it only saddened her. When she was younger, the stars had no meaning to her. However, one night Wolfwood had pointed out the different constellations.  
  
"What's that one Bokushi~san?" Millie asked, pointing at one. He angled his head so that he could see what she was pointing at.  
  
"Oh that one," he said. She was pointing at one that resembled the Star of David.  
  
"That's Jordan Glocatus. It was named after an early colonist who use to yell about the star of justice. Hence the name."  
  
Millie smiled and turned to Wolfwood.  
  
"You're so smart, Bokushi~san!"  
  
"Yeah, I try."  
  
They giggled and their eyes locked for a second. Millie turned away first, blushing.  
  
"The stars are beautiful," she commented, trying to change the subject.  
  
"That they are," he replied. He inched closer and put an arm around her. She tensed for a second, then leaned her head on his shoulder.  
  
"We should be going back soon. Vash~san and Senpai will be worried," she said.  
  
"That's true," he answered.  
  
"But we're not moving, are we?" Wolfwood just smiled.  
  
Millie blinked and the memory faded. She was laying in almost the same spot. Above her was the same star constellation. She reached up and spread her fingers. Slowly, she closed them until her hand made a fist.  
  
"Nicholas."  
  
*************************************  
  
And it feels  
  
And it feels like  
  
Heaven's so far away  
  
And it stings  
  
Yeah it stings now  
  
The world is so cold  
  
Now that you've gone away  
  
*************************************  
  
"Are you sure it's okay, Senpai?" Millie asked.  
  
"Of course. But we probably won't visit his grave," Meryl answered.  
  
"That's okay Senpai. We're going to be too busy. And besides, if I'm too busy to go see the grave, maybe I'll be too busy to think about it and it won't hurt so much."  
  
"Millie," Meryl bowed her head as she packed. As sad as it was, it was also true. They would be too busy to visit the grave, at least for a year or two.  
  
"You two ready?" Vash asked as he came into the girls' room.  
  
"Almost, Vash~san!" Millie chirped. Vash smiled and left the room.  
  
Yes, they were almost ready. Ready to help Vash re-capture Knives and stop him from killing anyone else. Once again, they were going on an adventure. And this time, Millie vowed, she wouldn't let any loved ones die.  
  
~This fic is dedicated to my friend Laura (nicknamed Kuroneko). She loved Wolfwood almost as much as Millie it seems. Also, I wrote this cuz I thought that the song kinda fit Wolfwood's death. It's my favorite song in the whole world. Lemme know what you thought of this ficcie (since it is my first Songfic). 


End file.
